Kissing Back
by mackerel sky
Summary: Everyone wants Ryan. Because he's so ridiculously hot.


Disclaimer: These are not my characters.

NB: Slash and a brief threesome, but not too graphic.

On the Thursday after the weekend of Caleb's party, Marissa turned up in the late afternoon looking for Ryan. Seth let her in. Ryan was sitting at the table by the pool paging through some design specs that Kirsten had commissioned for a new development. 

"Hey."

"Hey," he said, standing up. "How are you? Are you…all right?" She looked away and he said, "The other night…I… I'm really sorry." She nodded. "I don't even know what it looked like. Things just kind of got away from me."

"Yeah. I… Sometimes that happens." They walked around the pool and sat down side by side on a lawn chair looking out at the ocean. "I wanted to tell you… I walked in on you because I…I guess because I wanted to tell you how I felt. How I feel."

"How do you feel?"

"The problem is that once I'm here, like this, I never seem to know. Everything is just so confusing right now."

It occurred to Ryan that he would never have such an idiotic conversation with Seth. There was nothing remotely confusing about liking someone. Either you wanted a person or you did not. It was like a light switch. Seth had never doubted his affection for Ryan. Why couldn't Marissa be like that?

When she had finally gone, he went up to Seth's room and stood in the doorway. Seth was lying in bed reading a comic book. After a while, Seth said, "She looks terrible."

"She slept with Luke."

"She told you that?"

"I can just tell."

"Because…she walks differently?"

"That's a myth, actually. Just so you know." He sat down on the edge of the bed and started fiddling with a CD case. "I knew the night of the party. I saw her after he dropped her off. She looked so sad."

"A dead giveaway." 

"I think she only did it because of walking in on me. She was angry."

"Dude. That's messed up. She gave it up to her boyfriend of a gazillion years because you cheated on her with my grandma?"

"I didn't cheat on her. She picked him."

"Sorry. You know what I mean. Well, not to be really heartless, but it kind of serves her right."

"You saw how she looked."

"Yeah. Sorry. Really heartless. I take that back. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. She's just so sad." He paused. "Do you ever wish girls could give a little more back? More than sex, I mean."

"I'm sure that once I get to the whole sex part, I'll start to get pickier about the extra features."

"Like your mom is so together. Your dad doesn't have to spend all his time holding all the pieces."

"Dude. Please. Don't talk about my mom in this conversation."

"Sorry. You know Gabrielle started modeling at fifteen? Her mom packed her off to Japan. She spent the next seven years totally messed up."

"Ah. Starting to see the pattern. Well, Ryan, maybe we need to find you a different girl. I mean, Marissa's really nice and I like her and we will definitely be her friends through this whole family thing she's dealing with, but you don't have to… I mean, are you saying you're not totally into her anymore?"

"No, I am, of course I am, I just… I don't know what I'm saying." He was thinking how much it sucked that you could not combine what you got from your best friend with what you wanted from a girl, but there was no normal way to explain that. Seth would look at him like he had three heads.

"Because that would be in no way disloyal. I know that's a big thing for you and I totally admire that, but she hasn't given you a whole lot to go on. You're allowed to let it go."

"Seth," said Ryan, grinning. "Are you giving me advice about girls?"

"As a matter of fact, I think I am."

Ryan signed up for one class that was completely elective. Drawing and drafting. To get in, he submitted some life drawings of Seth, hunched over the video controller, floating in the pool, and, most successfully, skating down the pier, his long body a hard, effortless arc above the board. He also included an architectural drawing of a modest, three-bedroom home in the basic style of Kirsten's Newport mansions. 

Kirsten was impressed. She said, "Normally, when you scale down such grand elements, it doesn't work." 

Seth said, "Yeah like those ranch houses with the big stone lions in front."

"Seriously, Ryan. This is really good. I'll be very interested to see what you do in this class." 

He was embarrassed. He said, "Let's just wait and see if I get in." 

She said, "Oh, you'll get in." And then she smiled at him and rubbed his shoulder the way she sometimes did Seth's and he felt ridiculously happy and loved. 

He had gotten in, had pored over the syllabus for days, read almost half of the main textbook, and filled two spiral pads with sketches. Now he was standing in front of the class with his hand on the knob trying not to be nervous. He pushed open the door and walked in. The room was high-ceilinged and bright, filled with tilted drafting tables and high metal stools.

A girl slouched over a desk in the middle of the front row scribbling intently behind a sheet of silky black hair. She was the only person in the room. He walked in, watched her hair for a bit, and then said, "Hey."

She looked up, not really startled, and assessed him. She was pale, with dark eyes, straight black brows, and a very sexy mouth, slightly chapped, as though she had spent the previous period making out in a supply closet. He felt acutely conscious of being checked out. She lifted her pencil to her lips and chewed on it lazily. Then she said, "I know who you are. You're Ryan Atwood."

"I, uh, yeah."

"Have a seat." She patted the stool beside her. "Anyone who torments Luke Ward is a friend of mine."

"Not a big fan of Luke's?"

She shrugged. "He's my cousin. He's a dickhead. Although I guess you also saved his life or something. But we can work around that."

"And who are you?"

Her legs were twisted around the legs of her stool. She leaned her left side against the forty-five degree angle of her desk, dropped her head to her shoulder, and looked up at him. "Kat," she said.

"It suits you."

"I hope you mean the slinky way I move and not the nasty way I gossip."

"Yeah, that's what I mean." His voice was low, a little husky. He watched her staring at him. 

She reached across and put a hand on his sketchbook. "May I---?"

"Yeah, sure."

She flipped through it, pushed a hank of hair behind her ear. Her neck was very white and long. He liked the way it met her shoulder, noticed that she was not wearing a bra, looked away. She said, "Wow. You can actually draw."

"Thanks."

She shrugged. "You may be pretty bored in here. It's mostly popular girls who think art is appropriately femmy or tatooed kids who think it's part of the revolution." She tilted her head. "Got a tat?"

"No."

"Good." She smiled lasciviously. "I like the unsullied flesh."

He raised his eyebrows. "I'll, uh, keep that in mind?"

"I'm just flirting with you. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all."

"Good. We'll do more later. Oh, no. Here they come."

The door opened and kids started to walk in. The sixth person through the door was Marissa. She looked at Ryan with her startled deer eyes and then walked to the back of the class. He tilted his head back and took a deep breath. A muscle flexed along his jaw.

Kat was watching him. He raised his brows irritably at her and she whispered, "I also know about the blonde grandma." He gave her murderous look and she shrugged. "Sorry. Small town. But hey, none of my business." 

After that they both faced front and concentrated on the class.

Marissa and Seth were in English literature with him. Seth said, "Hey, man, check it out. Let's sit with Marissa." He walked over to her. "Hey, Marissa. Enjoying the first day back?" He kicked out the chair on her left for Ryan and sat down on her right.

She turned to Ryan. "So I see you met Kat."

"Yeah, I, uh, yeah."

"Kat who?" asked Seth.

"I don't actually know."

"Kat Ward. She's Luke's cousin, you know."

"She did mention that."

"I'm sure she knew exactly who you were."

"She, uh, yeah."

"I'm sure she knows all kinds of things that are none of her business."

"We really just talked about drawing."

"Whatever."

Seth was pretending to concentrate on Huck Finn.

"Look, Marissa, I can't---"

"Just forget it." She looked resolutely forward and after a moment he followed suit. Seth looked back and forth between them but could not catch Ryan's eye.

On Saturday, Summer has a party. She had told Seth about it on Thursday, which, as he emphasized to Ryan was two whole days ahead of time. "She really wants me there, man! Well, us. She wants us there." And in fact she had come up to him quite openly and affectionately in front of any number of hallway bystanders, tilted her head to one side and said, "I'm having a party Saturday. First party of the year. My parents are out of town. You guys should totally come."

"God, Seth, I don't know," said Ryan. "I'm not really up to seeing Marissa out right now and---"

"Ryan! What are you saying? Dude. Let me put this into simpler terms for you: You don't have a choice. Besides, she asked for you specifically. Well I'm assuming 'you guys' meant you, as the other member of my default party."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll go. But if I want to leave, we're leaving. Or I am."

"No, cool, of course. If things get weird we're so out of there."

Summer's house is about two miles away, farther down the coast. It's an older house and the gardens surrounding it are messy and lavish, heady with perfume. Not a single potted topiary in sight. Ryan likes it. 

Already a little toasted, Summer greets Seth with a delighted hug and then turns to Ryan. They almost hug and then both back away. He clears his throat and says, "I like your house."

"Thanks. Come in and find a drink." She looks around and then looks back at Ryan. "Marissa's here somewhere. And you know, everyone..." She shrugs and hurries off to greet someone else. 

"A truly gifted hostess," says Seth.

"Yeah. Let's get a beer."

Marissa meets them at the bar and says to Ryan, "Sorry about the other day. I just---"

Ryan looks at her. "You're sorry, I'm sorry." He takes a breath and then says more gently, "I'll do whatever you want, you just have to tell me what it is."

Seth returns with two bottles of beer and puts an arm around Marissa's shoulders. "He's not much of a talker. But he's sincere as hell. I swear to you. You should trust him."

"Yeah. I guess I---"

"Isn't this cozy? My best girl and the guys who saved my life." It's Luke. He snakes an arm around Marissa's waist and pulls her out from under Seth.

"Uh, yeah. Hey, there, Luke." Seth's arm remains in the air for a beat after Marissa's shoulders vanish.

Ryan says, "Hey," and then notices Kat, standing just behind Luke.

"Hey," she says. She has a very deep voice for a girl.

Ryan says, "Hey," again, a little more thickly, and feels Marissa's eyes on him.

"So do you dance? Or do you just stand around looking like you could if you wanted to?"

"Mostly the second."

"Come on then." And she yanks him, with an easy familiarity that makes Marissa want to spit, out into the middle of the room.

And the funny thing is, Ryan actually can dance. Not waltz maybe, but in the middle of Summer's darkened living room, moving to some heavy bass and following the rhythm of a girl's hips with his own, he can dance pretty much the way Seth figures he can have sex. Which is to say as if he's totally focused and also as if it's no big thing. Although it is a big thing because all the people around him are a little too aware of it. 

Seth and Marissa glance at each other, both indignantly possessive and then a little embarrassed to read their own expressions on each other's faces. Luke is looking too, unreadable but dour, and Summer, passing back through from the front door with an empty ice bucket, is staring with her mouth a little bit open. This gives Seth pause because for just a second he loses track of which person is making him jealous. Oh, right! In love with Summer, pissed at Ryan for being so hot. That's it. God, Ryan is so fucking hot.

Meanwhile, Kat is dancing closer. Periodically, her front rubs against Ryan's and he can feel her naked breasts under her soft t-shirt. Small with big nipples. He can feel his own nipples under his own t-shirt and he grabs her upper arms gently, holding her away from him and says, "Hey."

"Hey stop doing that? Or hey you want to go somewhere?"

"Kat. I can't. I---"

"No, that's cool. I had a feeling you weren't over her. Just keep dancing with me though, will you? I love to dance and none of these boys has any--" she gyrates her pelvis to demonstrate.

"Jesus," he grabs her around the hips. "Will you just---"

She starts laughing. "You're kind of a prude. It's really sweet. I like it. Okay. I'll be good now." And they finish the song without touching. Afterward, she drifts off to talk to someone and Ryan leans up against the bar next to Seth.

"Jesus." He feels hot and raw, the way he did after Gabrielle. 

"Wow, man, that was some performance. I thought you didn't dance?"

"I don't. That was just---"

"A little vertical grinding? Trotted out to titillate the masses? 'Cause let me tell you, Ryan, the folks is something titillated."

"Shut up." 

"Ah, yes. Shutting up now. Except, I'm sure you know that wasn't exactly what Marissa was hoping to see tonight and I'm pretty sure you don't want to get into it with Luke, so I think I'm going to go talk to her. Do some voluntary damage control. No need to thank me."

"No, man, thanks, that's…thanks. I think I'll just go outside for a bit and get some air."

Summer finds him lying on a bench at the end of the lawn looking at the sky.

"You out here to yell at me for upsetting Marissa?"

She looks surprised. "No. I just…"

"What then?"

"God. This is so random. I can't even believe I'm doing this…"

Ryan sits up slowly and looks at her. "Jesus Christ," he says. "Tell me you're kidding."

"What?"

"You're coming on to me."

She stares at him, emits a little squeak, looks away, and then shrugs in embarrassment.

"What is wrong with you people?" He sighs, pats the bench beside him and tells her to sit down. She sits. They both watch the house for a while. 

"I mean I was totally not going to come out here and say it just like that." Then she shakes herself irritably. "I would have, like…worked up to it more."

"You would."

"God I can't believe you just totally shot me down. You didn't even give me time to throw myself at you." She looks more astonished than insulted. "Guys are supposed to want to sleep with anyone, like, whenever. Luke is always cheating on Marissa. I thought that was a guy thing. Except I'm a girl and…you make me feel like that. Ever since the fashion show. Like I would just have sex with you in a second. In a coat closet or something. But then Marissa was all into you. And I mean, you're not so hot I'd fight with my best friend over you. No offense."

"None taken."

"Anyway, it's not like I'm this big ho or something. Just so you know."

"Hard to be a big ho when you're a virgin."

"It's that obvious?"

"Pretty obvious."

"So when I'm not will I be able to tell about everybody just by looking?"

"You won't really care anymore."

"Huh."

After a while he picks her hand up from the edge of the bench, runs his finger tip along her knuckles, and then turns it over and kisses her palm. Then he releases her hand and says, "Seth really likes you. I think you should give him a chance." 

It strikes her as a kind of delicacy that he does not look back as he walks across the lawn. She sits, strangely content, and watches him go. 

When he gets back inside, Seth and Marissa are waiting for him. Seth stands up. "We're pretty much ready to go. If you are."

"Where's Luke?"

"He took Kat home."

Ryan looks back and forth between them. They have a quality of complicity that he does not understand.

"Yeah, fine."

"We should say goodbye to Summer…" Seth looks around, sees her come in from the garden, tells her they are leaving, and gets an even warmer hug than when he arrived. He seems almost indifferent and Summer looks at Ryan in confusion, but he is as surprised as she is.

Seth drives and Ryan sits in the back. Marissa sits sideways, half-facing him. Nobody speaks. When they get home, Seth parks the car and Marissa and Seth follow Ryan into the pool house. He throws himself backward onto the bed and leans on his elbows. "So. What's going on?"

Seth and Marissa drop down onto the bed on either side of him, their expressions intent. He looks back and forth between them, uncomprehending. Marissa kisses him first. Just leans over and brushes a light butterfly kiss across his lips. Her mouth is silky. She smells like bourbon and lip gloss. Then Seth kisses him, a little harder, his lips dry, his tongue wet. Ryan pushes himself back, knocking into the ledge behind the bed and says, "Whoa. What the hell are you guys---" 

But there are two of them and they're all over him now, kissing and rubbing and tugging at his clothes. He can feel Seth's hard-on against his left hip. Marissa has one leg twined around him and her fingers are gripping his hair. He can feel someone's cool hand running up under his t-shirt and someone else's pushing down under his belt. Smooth fingers are gripping his cock, running around the base, down under his balls, and then with the sound of a zipper and a rush of air he realizes they've gotten his pants open. 

When someone's mouth slides down onto him, his body temperature spikes and he breaks into a hot, nervous sweat. "Jesus," he says, pushing hard at both their chests and clambering off the bed onto the raised floor behind it. "Jesus," he says again, breathing heavily and pushing the damp hair out of his eyes. They are both still stretched out on the bed, their clothes in disarray, staring at him hungrily, not even caring if he's mad.

He stands up and backs away until he hits the wall. Then he fumbles for the switch, floods the room with yellow light, and watches them blinking and squinting and looking away from him. "Now. Does someone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Well, Ryan, I think it's pretty obvious. We're both into you."

"Yeah. I'm getting that."

"It was all right when I thought it was just Marissa---"

"And I didn't really mind about Seth. I mean, whatever, you two are so close, I was supposed to be with Luke anyway---"

"But Gabrielle. She's practically my grandma, for god's sake."

"And dancing with Kat Ward like that. After you made such a huge deal about not being able to dance!"

"And I've got to say, dude, I think even Luke was really checking you out tonight. During that whole episode."

"And Summer! She's my best friend!"

"Summer!" Now Seth looks surprised.

"That is not true," says Ryan, looking at Seth. "Summer wants you. We talked about it."

"Oh, right," says Marissa. "When you went out into the garden together."

"Dude. You went out into the garden with Summer?"

"No. Yeah. I… Not like that." He pauses. "I really don't think that's the biggest issue here."

Seth and Marissa look at one another. Seth says, "So are you saying you don't want us? Were we not good?"

"I, uh… Is this like a normal thing? In Newport?"

Marissa blushes, straightens her clothes, and climbs off the bed. "I should go. I'm sorry. I don't know what we were thinking." She leans down and kisses Seth on the cheek. "I'll, uh, see you guys. Please just let's forget about this." And then she slips out the door.

Ryan, staggering slightly, walks around the edge of the room and sits down on the bed. Seth looks at him. "Sorry, man. I was really not intending for you to find out this way."

"No? How were you going to tell me?"

"Actually, I was really intending for you not to find out. Hence the whole thing with Summer. Did she really come on to you?"

"Not exactly. She likes you."

"Yeah. Too bad that hasn't turned out to be the thrill I thought it would before I met you. We're okay though, right? I mean, I can literally never mention this again. And I don't think Marissa's going to bring it up." He stands up. "I should probably get out of here before I---"

Ryan reaches up and grabs his arm. "Don't go."

Seth looks at him. "Can you say that again? Because I think you just asked me not to go."

"Don't go."

"Ryan? Am I to understand from this that you're coming on to me?"

Ryan tugs him back down onto the bed and kisses him. Ryan's mouth is hot and the kiss starts slow and sort of soft but then he leans into it and Seth can feel the heavy shape of his tongue and the way their lips meet around the edge of the kiss and once or twice their teeth click with a little electric jolt that shoots straight to his cock.

After a few minutes Seth pulls back to breathe and says, "Dude. My god. It is so much better when you're kissing back." 

"Yeah," says Ryan, grinning at him. "I know."


End file.
